My Dad and I.

16 years ago was the last time I saw him. The last time I heard his voice. I was 10 years old.

My parents separated when I was about 7 years old. It was a messy divorce. Things happened that I wish I was old enough to say "no" to. Things that have haunted me to this day.
My mum remarried when I was nearly 10 years old. My brother and I were about to have another sibling, and adjusting to a new 'Dad', as well as a new life.
This new life was something that I never fully adjusted to. I am 26 and it still doesn't sit well with me.

My Dad moved to N.S.W when I was about 10. From this point on, he became a stranger. There was no communication. No school holidays at Dad's. Nothing. This is something that I still cannot come to terms with.

There have been so many times I have wanted to reach out to him. But there has always been something holding me back. I don't know what it is. There has been one opportunity to see him, when I was 20. I didn't take that chance. There was an element of pressure to do so, not from him, but I felt like I was doing something before I was ready.
How do you let someone back in that hasn't been in your life for 10 years? What do you say?

Two years ago, my Mum and Stepdad's marriage ended. Again, it was a messy divorce. Despite being older this time around, it still affected me. The same manipulative tactics were applied to me in an attempt to sabotage the other person. I think, that because I knew what was happening, that it affected me more. There was no innocence of an eight year old.

My Baptism

This year, when I moved back to Geelong, I made a conscious effort to make contact with the family that I lost all those years ago. My Nan and her husband (my pop dies before I was born) live outside of Geelong. I reached out and made contact and said that I wanted to see them again. This was such a surreal experience. Time had blurred my memories of the finer details; the lines of my Nan's face, her perfume, her voice. She wasn't the person my memories had held. We relived memories from my childhood. It's hard to explain; sharing the same memories with someone you don't fully remember.

My Nan is having her 80th birthday celebrations in a weeks time. My Dad and his partner are travelling down from N.S.W for this. I have decided to go. The family I lost will be there, and while it is something that feels so foreign to me, I am re-gaining a part of me I left behind in 1999.
My Dad has asked to meet up before the birthday celebrations. He will be in Geelong, staying at Nan's. It wasn't until the prospect of seeing him, that I realised how far I had buried the pain, sadness, and fear that came from him and mum separating. These emotions are bubbling to the surface, and I am struggling to comprehend them. I felt these emotions as an 7 year old, and I am feeling them again as a 26 year old.

What do I say? Do I hug him? Will I cry? Will he recognise me?
I will be meeting him again, as a 10 year old, in a 26 year old body.

Watercolour Decor

A few weeks ago, I discovered these super cute watercolour prints on Etsy, by the talented LittleCatDraw. They retailed for $8AUD each, and are about 5"x7". I cannot get enough of them. 

They are so adorable! I definitely recommend checking out the store for some adorable home decor.

Kate xxx

Top 5 Instagram Feeds

I am a huge fan of Instagram. I find my self scrolling through for longer than I care to admit. So, in the spirit of this amazing app, I thought I'd share my favorite IG-er's.

Michelle Crossan - Beauty Life Michelle -- This stunner, originally from Ireland and living in Australia has an amazing makeup collection. Michelle loves her high-end makeup, but also shines a bright light on the world of drugstore makeup brands. Definitely worth checking out her IG, blog, and YouTube for some inspiration.

Mis Joelle -- Jo is an Australian independent recording artist, who has recently relocated to L.A to chase her dreams. Not only does she have an amazing voice, but also a wicked sense of humor. Her IG provides and inside look at her life and recording career. She is definitely one to keep an eye on! Also, her snapchat is hilarious. 

Rhian Hy - Wife Life -- This woman! I seriously have no words to describe the amazing being this woman is. Not only does she has some seriously kickass tattoos (I am seriously envious), she promotes vegan, and cruelty free makeup. Definitely check her out for some feel good makeup inspo! Check out her blog, and YouTube here.

Aimee Song - Song of Style --  Aimee's IG is my escape when I need a (free) luxe getaway. She has an amazing sense of style, and flashes her amazing adventures. From Iceland to Bermuda, this chick is a globetrotting, super-styling megastar. Her blog is seriously amazing, too!

Em Ford - My Pale Skin Blog -- Em is my sister from another mister. From her acne prone pale skin, to her witty sense of humor, I feel Em and I would be best friends in another life. This British beauty provides tutorials to hide problematic skin... and she does it so well! While she is relatively new to the world of vlogging, she is making a huge impact! Check out her blog, and YouTube here.

Let me know if you follow any of these beauties.

Kate xxx

All Images are copyright their respective owners.

Death, and dying

On my ward, we have deaths. We have dying patients.
While I haven't nursed someone in the final stages of their dying (not sure if that's the right way to word it), I have nursed palliative patients.

One thing that I have learned, is that everyone dies differently. Some people are so peaceful and pain free, and others can be suffering immeasurable amounts of pain and discomfort. My last patient was the latter.

My patient had a complex social history, as well as a family that didn't understand the gravity of the situation. Which is completely understandable. No one wants to give the final order to let their loved one die. Finally (after 2 re-admissions and months on our ward) this patient was formally made palliative.

Unfortunately, my patient hadn't been prescribed a syringe driver. (A syringe driver is a continuous infusion of medication to ensure comfort to a patient). I was trying to assist in as many ways as possible, as to manage the pain. However it wasn't working as well as I would have liked. After numerous doctors reviews*, we finally had a better medication plan. Toward the end of my shift my patient had become more settled.

It wasn't until the end of the night that I realised how incredibly drained I was feeling. Both physically and emotionally. I felt this way because I knew there was nothing more I could do for them or the family. I had exhausted every option available to me at the time. And it wasn't enough. That notion along rocked me. It is in my nature to want to help people. When that is not attainable, you feel helpless, hopeless, and you begin to question yourself.

I was fortunate enough to have a few days off after this. During that time I thought about what I did and I know that I tried every possible avenue to make this man comfortable.
Upon my return to the ward, I found out that he had received a syringe driver the next day, and passed away the day after that. I take comfort in knowing that he passed away without any pain, and that it was a relatively short process.
I know that somethings that I say may sound harsh. But when you have watched someone 'linger' and suffer, it's not a nice experience for all those involved.

Death is an inevitable part of life. Suffering should not be prolonged.



* Please note that is is not a regular occurrence. It was after hours and the covering doctors were tied up with emergencies on other wards.

Hypothermia

I am currently looking after a patient that is suffering of hypothermia of unknown aetiology. ?cold sepsis. When I was wrapping her up in a foil blanket I got from ICU, all I could think was "She looks like a baked potato"

Patients Vs. Patience

Today, I had an 88 year old, 52kg patient give me attitude. Apparently, trying to raise her BP was the wrong thing to do, despite me explaining the importance of not having a systolic BP of 76. 
“Why, because a text book told you so!?”. No, because you have no radial.

How to age gracefully

"What is the secret to staying young?"

I ask this question of all my older and surprisingly independent patients. I have had some expected answers and some that shocked me. 

I thought I would compile a list (of the ones that I can remember). Because, let's face it... we all want to age gracefully.

• Stay active. Every single day
• Take time out from your job
• Drink a shot of Greek Brandy every night with dinner. I have also been told on several different occasions, a shot of liqueur, or a small glass of red wine every night helps too.
• Have lots of sex
• Remain positive
• Never stop learning
• Reduce stress in your life
• Eat healthy

I endevour to update this list as I meet more new and exciting elderly patients. I love sitting and chatting with them, and learning about their lives. A lot can be learnt from them!

Nurse KC